This Christmas Eve I think about how desperately I need Jesus to guide me, so I do not stumble or fall, or become more lost. I sang a Christmas carol about Jesus lending His light at the candlelight Christmas Eve service at my church. I have feared that I have messed up my life inadvertently even while sincerely seeking God’s will. I put my hope in Jesus for my future. I know His love is what I long for and is more than I can imagine, but for some reason I am struggling to receive Him and the love He has to give.

By God’s grace I was able to book my class after all even though I could not pay my balance. Liberty University was awesome in that they removed the hold on me registering for another class with the proof of my employer’s scholarship award. I am very thankful and my faith has increased and my trust in Him grown. This class I am sure by God’s grace will propel me to new heights.

I still have concerns about whether I have a meaningful future to live for. Okay, so things didn’t go exactly as I hoped they would by Christmas other than being able to register for class. I have struggled with having depression when Christmas is over, because it’s like a big letdown. I need God to intervene with His guidance to get me down the right path, so I do not have to fear my life being ruined. I admit, I am scared that God will let me down and expect me to just figure it out on my own or else. I struggle with trusting in God’s character, love and goodness because of my unresolved hurts. I want a cleansing. I want to be able to shed tears of cleansing. I want Jesus’ love to really become tangible to me tonight even. I promise and ask God that if He gives me hope, that I will gladly be used by Him as an instrument of hope for others. I need reassurance that God will invade my life with His goodness so that I can live a life with a whole heart and soul and a promising future.